Tuesday, February 23, 2010

i can't stay away

It’s a little after 11 pm on a Tuesday night. Everyone in this quiet house is resting sweetly. I am listening to the noises of the night. The hum of the fridge. The traffic slowing outside. It is Feb 23rd 2010. In a few hours my little girl Hope Lennon Alexandria will be a full 2 weeks old. I must say, and I know that everyone says it, but she is the sweetest most beautiful girl ever. She is sleeping now and in a couple of hours she will be up again. So let’s get to the point.
Looking back, it says that my last blog update was back in July of 09. A lot of things have gone on since then and I feel that, in time, I will get back to then and maybe shed light on some of those things. It seems odd that say that after 4 years on myspace and running a blog/music site, I felt it best to just step back for a while. I say this in earnest and with a small smudge of disappointment, but I haven’t really written much of anything since then, nor have I played any music either.
I am not sure really what has happened so long ago now, in a different light, in a different life, but after 4 years I felt like it was just the natural time to give up for a while. I had been playing shows around Vegas pretty regularly but my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. I felt like I had said so many things in songs, in poetry, in blogs, that there just wasn’t much else to continue on about. Another contributor of course, is/was the fact that maybe for the first time in my life, I am geniunely content and happy most days. That right there sometimes is the death of art.
It’s funny, I’m the guy that would stay up until daybreak draining the bottles, pounding the keys, listening to music, and now I’m sitting here downstairs in the dark typing by the muted light of a flashlight that I hope doesn’t burn out before I’m done. I’m as quiet as can be. Can’t wake the family. I like saying that.
So for various reasons I will get into later, I just stopped writing. Music was gone too, though I never fully put down the guitar. In fact, on christmas I home recorded 2 songs as a present for my sweetie and my daughter Hope who was in my sweetie’s belly at the time. It’s weird because it feels like 2009 came and went in a fury and blurry whir. And I don’t know about where you are; but here spring is almost on the rise. I’d like to say I’ve changed in some ways, I think we all like to think that, but maybe I have. I certainly don’t feel as wild as I used to and I have found a few grays spread out across my head.
For 4 years or more I used myspace and myspace was the place to be and the place where I housed my writing and music. Some day soon I am definitely going to need to go through it all and archive it because if it goes, a lot of that stuff is gone. I no longer have all the original files. Hopefully soon I will get back into music. I’m not sure what I want to do in that regard. I definitely feel like playing drums in a group again since I play almost every day or I did before Hope was born. In my gut there has been this longing urge to play some political punk/folk.
The funny thing is, in the 8 months or whatever it has been that I’ve been gone from this world; myspace has been deserted like a pool with shit in it and facebook has taken over the reins of everyone’s time. (There’s also twitter, but who cares about any of them really?) They all are boring to me and do not consume much of my time these days. I usually just check to see if anyone has sent me anything. (They don’t usually, just the lame ass*ville request.)
It’s strange to see how when you step back for a while from everything how much everything changes. I don’t even understand the new music that’s on the rock* (see shit) music radio stations. I haven’t listened to those kinds of stations in years, but at least it used to be recognizable. I’m more of an ipod, npr kind of person anyway, but still. Movies have also become more stagnant, lacking. Politics. Same shit as always. A lot more people out of work. A lot. And no jobs coming either. But what can you do, some will always say.
As for me, now, I feel like I am doing okay. Periods of sobriety and nothing like I was before. I will try and be as faithful as I can to writing again. I miss it. At the end oitf the day I feel a bit empty without it. Just a little part. There was a time once when everything hinged on coming home and sitting at the typer for a while. I feel like doing it again. I just can’t stay away!
You can expect the usual and also new things and ideas. I’m basically just going to do the same thing I have in the past and talk about shit. Movies, music, people, politics, whatever. If not for anyone or anything but the fact I am writing again.

So now it’s time to kiss the girl and the daughter. Climb into bed.
do it all over again……d