Unfortunately, a lot of my time recently has been utilized doing things like converting dvd’s to the new ipod I bought myself for reaching the age 30. As I’ve stated before, I never thought I’d get to this age, or if I did, I never thought in about 1,000 19999 years, I’d be happy and spend most of everyday feeling pretty good. Pretty normal. I had an ipod in the past, like the 2nd generation ones, and they weren’t great, even though it was an 80gb one, it constantly didn’t work right. It was a green screen without color. No video. Well the new one I bought myself is amazing. 160 gigs and I still haven’t filled but 40 gigs maybe.
I’ve been spending my time ripping cds, ripping movies, podcasts, loading loading loading up. In a couple of days I turn 30. have I mentioned that yet? And we’re headed to Los Angeles, to catch the Getty, the Museum of Tolerance, and the Griffith Observatory. Also, for whatever reason and god bless her, Rochelle wants to see the town of my birth. So that’s on the agenda for the first couple of hours. I mean, there isn’t much to see. And anyway, I am going to be back there in Mid-August. Well actually early August, for Jordan’s wedding and then in late August where I will be permanent until the New Year.
I should also note that my days have been spent so happily and blessed; most of you would not recognize me anymore. That boy I was, the suicide kid, he’s gone. I am filled with a love I am filled with love I am filled with a love that transcends any day or night, nor falter of the heart. This woman I love, I’d swear she carved the Grand Canyon. She painted the sky with stars. She laid down the grid work. She is the equator. And here I am these days. Wondering at the luck.
Earlier tonight I drew a picture with a heart that said: Share. Believe. This life is ours. My heart is open. Inside the drawing of the heart is a single eyeball. Peering out.
I used to write that I once I was young and now I am old. But the truth is once I was young and I now am getting older with love in my life that makes me feel young as I am probably am. And Lennon makes all the more sense to me. This man has been a part of my life since birth. When I was less than 6 months old he was killed. My whole life my mother and father talked about John Lennon. All you need is love. Imagine no religion. I don’t believe in anything but Yoko and me. And suddenly, something I’d long studied makes sense. There is a reason, for all these years, I wanted to name one of my children Lennon. His sense of his family. His little family. This love. That love. We can change the world. It’s in all of our hearts. It’s in mine. It’s in hers.
In a way, I am sorry it’s so anti-climactic. All I want is this peace I’ve found to last and last. Maybe the man you watched all along wondering what’s next won’t like what’s next in the context of my life. Because all I ever wanted was to feel all right.
And now I am.
What was it you all wanted? My blood? You already knew my heart. I hope you know it still.
God is a concept, By which we can measure, Our pain, I'll say it again, God is a concept, By which we can measure, Our pain, I don't believe in magic, I don't believe in I-ching, I don't believe in bible, I don't believe in tarot, I don't believe in Hitler, I don't believe in Jesus, I don't believe in Kennedy, I don't believe in Buddha, I don't believe in mantra, I don't believe in Gita, I don't believe in yoga, I don't believe in kings, I don't believe in Elvis, I don't believe in Zimmerman, I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me, Yoko and me, And that's reality. The dream is over, What can I say? The dream is over, Yesterday, I was dreamweaver, But now I'm reborn, I was the walrus, But now I'm John, And so dear friends, You just have to carry on, The dream is over.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
diary
Dear Rochelle. It’s almost 1 in the morning. The night for this early June is awfully cool for this time of year. So unexpected. Such a delight. I can hear the leaves blowing in the wind. Hear the branches dancing. The moon is shrouded by clouds, but it is there. The roads stand silent and dark. Black against the night. The little sparrowhawks are gliding under the street lights catching the bugs. The dog sits next to me, looking at me. Waiting for you. Looking at me waiting for you.
In 12 days I turn 30. It was no easy feat and I am still surprised daily anew at this twist of events. This turn around. This newly found love for life and the daily quest to make it some permanent, not some transitory thing. The age 30. It’s funny as a child I didn’t know what turning 30 meant and in a way; I still don’t. I’m getting older. I’ve run some hard miles. I’ve waited so long. I spent so many nights sad, locked away from the world. Now we are a part of it. Tonight, the world is still, love. And my arms are empty.
There are times in my dreams where you are just slightly out of reach. Or there is someone trying harm you and I try my best to put a stop to it. There are times in the waking world as well. It seems all my life I was waiting for you brown hair and all, to come and spend the days laughing. Peaceful. Sleeping. Loving. And here you are.
In 12 days I am 30. In the months and years after---what then? What will we see? Who will we be? Is there any waking from this dream?
Sometimes it’s something as simple as a hairbrush on the sink that isn’t mine. Or that stray long dark hair in the sinkbowl. Other times it’s our toothbrushes kissing in the cup. Side by side. Or a pair of shoes left behind. The crumpled unmade bed where you and I have spent so many laughing times. Sometimes it’s waking around dawn and seeing your face sleeping next to mine and just when I start to despair and feel like you’re 1000 miles away; you awake and you take my hand, place it on your belly….
Right now, the only things I need are:
Your Kiss.
A good pair of shoes.
maybe some bread and wine to carry along with us down this road.
The little desert bats are flying around in this low lying twilight. Children laughing across the street. Children laughing within me. You are my blood brother. My Tom Sawyer. My Huck Finn. My headlight miracle, my flashlight dream.
My heart.
In 12 days I turn 30. It was no easy feat and I am still surprised daily anew at this twist of events. This turn around. This newly found love for life and the daily quest to make it some permanent, not some transitory thing. The age 30. It’s funny as a child I didn’t know what turning 30 meant and in a way; I still don’t. I’m getting older. I’ve run some hard miles. I’ve waited so long. I spent so many nights sad, locked away from the world. Now we are a part of it. Tonight, the world is still, love. And my arms are empty.
There are times in my dreams where you are just slightly out of reach. Or there is someone trying harm you and I try my best to put a stop to it. There are times in the waking world as well. It seems all my life I was waiting for you brown hair and all, to come and spend the days laughing. Peaceful. Sleeping. Loving. And here you are.
In 12 days I am 30. In the months and years after---what then? What will we see? Who will we be? Is there any waking from this dream?
Sometimes it’s something as simple as a hairbrush on the sink that isn’t mine. Or that stray long dark hair in the sinkbowl. Other times it’s our toothbrushes kissing in the cup. Side by side. Or a pair of shoes left behind. The crumpled unmade bed where you and I have spent so many laughing times. Sometimes it’s waking around dawn and seeing your face sleeping next to mine and just when I start to despair and feel like you’re 1000 miles away; you awake and you take my hand, place it on your belly….
Right now, the only things I need are:
Your Kiss.
A good pair of shoes.
maybe some bread and wine to carry along with us down this road.
The little desert bats are flying around in this low lying twilight. Children laughing across the street. Children laughing within me. You are my blood brother. My Tom Sawyer. My Huck Finn. My headlight miracle, my flashlight dream.
My heart.
Friday, June 5, 2009
this mountain
I’m sitting here now and
the daylight is all but gone.
Just a faint glow of blue
Just a faint glow of blue
outside of the window.
There’s a tree growing somewhere---
There’s a tree growing somewhere---
I don’t know why I just had
that thought
But
There is a tree growing somewhere
& the beats of the wings of birds
But
There is a tree growing somewhere
& the beats of the wings of birds
perhaps an insect
flying in the wind
& these things are happening
in the world
& somewhere a wave roils
& rolls & builds
& hits the sand
with that selfsame crash
echoingall down
the coastline.
I poke open the curtains
I poke open the curtains
you have been away
from my arms
far too long---love
& my dog is watching the street
where nothing moves
save the wind.
In this post-sundown world
In this post-sundown world
I am ever much a part of you
as you are of me
& the two become so fused
they hardly become
recognizable.
Is this what they see?
When they see us or they see me or they see you
Is this what they see?
When they see us or they see me or they see you
they just see us.
Like one is not imagined
Like one is not imagined
without the other.
Somewhere a child laughs
Somewhere else another is conceived.
Somewhere a man sitsin a room
Somewhere a child laughs
Somewhere else another is conceived.
Somewhere a man sitsin a room
with oak paneling
Bowing a cello.
This
Bowing a cello.
This
is
the
world
& there you are
I want to parade you
aroundlike the newest kill
& watch as the boys
grow ill with envy
thumb in their pockets
sharpen their knives
wait for me to trip up.
Around here,
Around here,
the quail have all birthed their young
& you can watch them run,
Birds and their trees,
Birds and their trees,
don’t know if I’ve said this much
but most birds
are monogamous choosing one partner
for their short
feathered lives.
& I love you the best.
I rob the trains.
I chase down the Wells Fargo Stagecoach.
We burn the churches
& I love you the best.
I rob the trains.
I chase down the Wells Fargo Stagecoach.
We burn the churches
in the village square for you.
We watch as the enemy
We watch as the enemy
stuffs the powder
& ball into the cannon
& sends their spark
into the night.
All becauseI haveyou.
Many years from now
All becauseI haveyou.
Many years from now
or many days
may we rest on some long
hot afternoon
in the shade
You’re smiling’cos I said
You’re smiling’cos I said
god made the way of the world
this
and no other.
when i'm gone
So let’s take the time to stretch our newly found legs and newly found freedom for a bit. After using Myspace for 4 years as a place to house my music, my blogs, the poetry of my heart, I had to shut it down. It got to the point where people who weren’t strong enough to just ignore me and my writing, kept on and kept on reading and making issues out of non-issues. I’ve always said and I’ve always felt that I write as though no one is reading or else I couldn’t write at all and I’ve always said that I can write about whatever I want and so I did. I said horrible things about myself, about my family, my country, ex-lovers. Now we come to recent history where there have been things going on, relationships ending, relationships beginning and those who don’t even know me began to spy and pry incessantly.
Normally I am okay with it and I was for a long time. If I remember correctly back on May 4th I decided to move the blog to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes and it was a rather hard decision to make. At the time, I didn’t move it. I kept on and stuck to my principles which are I’m going to write and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Well people couldn’t control themselves and though I do have the bad habit of stirring the shit every once and a while; I really tried to stay true to myself and the woman I love and keep on track and just go on living. Which is exactly what we’re doing, but these other people are not. They’re either stuck in some past that isn’t there anymore or they’re just torturing themselves for no reason. The point being is that they were seeking me out, not vice versa and their feelings were hurt and they made up things that didn’t happen and decided in their own minds who I am.
The funny thing is that I kept it so light until the end there. I live my life by a certain standard and at this old age and after living for as long as I have, as unhappy as I was, I don’t have time for anger or drama in my life now. I just don’t. And I get angry at myself for getting angry and allowing those negative feelings to drown out my reason and I posted things in anger that I shouldn’t have. Though I also posted something rather inspirational and understanding, all anyone wants to see is the negative side reflected.
It’s a weird thing that happens that I’ve been talking about for a while now with our whole retarded double standard ridden society. None of us want to be judged, yet these people feel all the need in the world to judge others and then when you hold up the mirror in front of their face you’re the world’s biggest asshole. And this is a problem with lots of people, not just these few I am now speaking. Our entire society judges women on the way they look, especially if they’re on tv, and we all want to cast our judging eyes outward yet we’ve hardly the strength to look within to see how we’re actually behaving ourselves. That being said, I have really been on my best behavior throughout this whole stupid boring ordeal, give or take a couple of nights in anger where I posted some stupid things, to later take them down. I really have tried to live my life and be the bigger person and just let it all slide. I mean, haven’t we personally been through enough bullshit in this life?
Does life last forever? No, it does not and we are getting older and some people need to get a fucking clue and get over themselves and understand that this isn’t something that’s just happening and some passing thing. It’s real and here.
I’ve spent a good part of my life dealing with my own anger. Anger at myself mostly, but also friends, family, this country and I’ve come to the point now where I don’t have time for it. I don’t want it in my life. I spent so long being sad and angry at myself, at the world; I now realize that was all time wasted.
Though I did wait just long enough to find the right one. And find the right one I did.
And let me tell you, friends, she’s more than even I could have dreamed and I’ve spent my whole life in a dream that I always trying to grasp, but she is a dream one does not wake from because she is real. And let me tell you about her.
First is that she is completely amazingly beautiful. She makes me feel at home within my own skin which no one has ever done before. She has taught me how to smile. She shows me the world is not a cruel and random thing. That all is not chaos and there is rhyme and there is reason. Her eyes send arrows of beauty and life and light into my once very darkened heart. My heart was once a room without doors or windows where no light penetrated and no one could enter nor exit. She tore down those walls. She has taught me the meanings of love. She lays with her head on my chest just so and she’ll laugh when I say something dumb and when we’re together, it’s like no one else even exists and time itself seems to halt. The first night I spent with her was downtown amongst thousands of spectators though I only noticed the one. and she did as well.
We don’t really do much other than be together and it’s so organic and simple and it was even from the first time so natural. She’ll touch my arm and all is warm and all is well and the heart flutters flutters flutters. We have a hard time trying to watch tv or a movie at home because other things start to happen, what seems like always. She’s bright. She’s funny. Most importantly she’s got such a good heart and such a wonderful soul and all of my belief is in this person and in the reality that this will work. I’ve got a strong back and my mind is fit. I can labor on and on for you babydoll and I will.
It’s now June 5th. In 22 days I turn 30. A big feat going to be tackled. We’re going to do some traveling. She wants to see where I was born. I want to show her the town of my birth. The town that haunts me yet and carries over into every song or every word I write or world I dream. I want this life to begin, I am ready. 30 years gone. Man, what a thought. 30 years gone that aren’t coming back. 30 years. A lot can happen, a lot has happened. I’ve lived and I’ve died and been born again and again. I say out loud to no one in particular, thank you for that sun. Thank you for my time on this earth. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for loving me. I am so fortunate to be alive and I am ready for this world. I am ready to grow old. I am ready to watch our children run around. I say thank you for the birds. Thank you for that blue sky. Thank you for helping me cope with my broken heart. Thank you for not letting me die all those times I tried and willed it. God, I am willing now do not let me go do not let me down.
So I haven’t given up hope but I feel like I should mention it. My cat, Thelonius Monkey has been gone for 5 days now and I don’t know if he’s coming back. There are coyotes here and there a lot of cats too but he went out Sunday morning and hasn’t been back. This cat, one tough motherfucker, who just turned 5 and lived with me in probably 5 different towns and cities. My cat. My buddy. My tough motherfucker who used to bring home birds and kangaroo rats and any other god damned thing. I love you, buddy. Please come back.
Thinking of that and all of what I’ve typed I sort of came up with the beginning of my funeral playlist. I know it’s a little morbid but I think it’s important think about it and get it out there. Especially if something happens to you. It’s important to talk about what you want done with your body if you die. How you want to be buried and cremated. Or whether or not you want to be left on life-support indefinitely. If you want your organs to be donated. For me, I want my organs donated, I want to be cremated and spread across the Carrizo Plain. Do not keep me on some machine. Let me go. But anyway, here’s the list so far.
Sleepwalk---Santo and Johnny.
What a Wonderful World---Louis Armstrong
Imagine---John Lennon
Man of the Hour---Pearl Jam.
Keep Me in Your Heart---Warren Zevon
Pancho and Lefty---Townes Van Zandt.
remember the mountain bed---wilco (as written by my beloved woody guthrie)
(Maybe as a joke Pop that pussy by 2 live crew and With Arms wide open by Creed)
Well.
D
Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Normally I am okay with it and I was for a long time. If I remember correctly back on May 4th I decided to move the blog to avoid stepping on anyone’s toes and it was a rather hard decision to make. At the time, I didn’t move it. I kept on and stuck to my principles which are I’m going to write and you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Well people couldn’t control themselves and though I do have the bad habit of stirring the shit every once and a while; I really tried to stay true to myself and the woman I love and keep on track and just go on living. Which is exactly what we’re doing, but these other people are not. They’re either stuck in some past that isn’t there anymore or they’re just torturing themselves for no reason. The point being is that they were seeking me out, not vice versa and their feelings were hurt and they made up things that didn’t happen and decided in their own minds who I am.
The funny thing is that I kept it so light until the end there. I live my life by a certain standard and at this old age and after living for as long as I have, as unhappy as I was, I don’t have time for anger or drama in my life now. I just don’t. And I get angry at myself for getting angry and allowing those negative feelings to drown out my reason and I posted things in anger that I shouldn’t have. Though I also posted something rather inspirational and understanding, all anyone wants to see is the negative side reflected.
It’s a weird thing that happens that I’ve been talking about for a while now with our whole retarded double standard ridden society. None of us want to be judged, yet these people feel all the need in the world to judge others and then when you hold up the mirror in front of their face you’re the world’s biggest asshole. And this is a problem with lots of people, not just these few I am now speaking. Our entire society judges women on the way they look, especially if they’re on tv, and we all want to cast our judging eyes outward yet we’ve hardly the strength to look within to see how we’re actually behaving ourselves. That being said, I have really been on my best behavior throughout this whole stupid boring ordeal, give or take a couple of nights in anger where I posted some stupid things, to later take them down. I really have tried to live my life and be the bigger person and just let it all slide. I mean, haven’t we personally been through enough bullshit in this life?
Does life last forever? No, it does not and we are getting older and some people need to get a fucking clue and get over themselves and understand that this isn’t something that’s just happening and some passing thing. It’s real and here.
I’ve spent a good part of my life dealing with my own anger. Anger at myself mostly, but also friends, family, this country and I’ve come to the point now where I don’t have time for it. I don’t want it in my life. I spent so long being sad and angry at myself, at the world; I now realize that was all time wasted.
Though I did wait just long enough to find the right one. And find the right one I did.
And let me tell you, friends, she’s more than even I could have dreamed and I’ve spent my whole life in a dream that I always trying to grasp, but she is a dream one does not wake from because she is real. And let me tell you about her.
First is that she is completely amazingly beautiful. She makes me feel at home within my own skin which no one has ever done before. She has taught me how to smile. She shows me the world is not a cruel and random thing. That all is not chaos and there is rhyme and there is reason. Her eyes send arrows of beauty and life and light into my once very darkened heart. My heart was once a room without doors or windows where no light penetrated and no one could enter nor exit. She tore down those walls. She has taught me the meanings of love. She lays with her head on my chest just so and she’ll laugh when I say something dumb and when we’re together, it’s like no one else even exists and time itself seems to halt. The first night I spent with her was downtown amongst thousands of spectators though I only noticed the one. and she did as well.
We don’t really do much other than be together and it’s so organic and simple and it was even from the first time so natural. She’ll touch my arm and all is warm and all is well and the heart flutters flutters flutters. We have a hard time trying to watch tv or a movie at home because other things start to happen, what seems like always. She’s bright. She’s funny. Most importantly she’s got such a good heart and such a wonderful soul and all of my belief is in this person and in the reality that this will work. I’ve got a strong back and my mind is fit. I can labor on and on for you babydoll and I will.
It’s now June 5th. In 22 days I turn 30. A big feat going to be tackled. We’re going to do some traveling. She wants to see where I was born. I want to show her the town of my birth. The town that haunts me yet and carries over into every song or every word I write or world I dream. I want this life to begin, I am ready. 30 years gone. Man, what a thought. 30 years gone that aren’t coming back. 30 years. A lot can happen, a lot has happened. I’ve lived and I’ve died and been born again and again. I say out loud to no one in particular, thank you for that sun. Thank you for my time on this earth. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for loving me. I am so fortunate to be alive and I am ready for this world. I am ready to grow old. I am ready to watch our children run around. I say thank you for the birds. Thank you for that blue sky. Thank you for helping me cope with my broken heart. Thank you for not letting me die all those times I tried and willed it. God, I am willing now do not let me go do not let me down.
So I haven’t given up hope but I feel like I should mention it. My cat, Thelonius Monkey has been gone for 5 days now and I don’t know if he’s coming back. There are coyotes here and there a lot of cats too but he went out Sunday morning and hasn’t been back. This cat, one tough motherfucker, who just turned 5 and lived with me in probably 5 different towns and cities. My cat. My buddy. My tough motherfucker who used to bring home birds and kangaroo rats and any other god damned thing. I love you, buddy. Please come back.
Thinking of that and all of what I’ve typed I sort of came up with the beginning of my funeral playlist. I know it’s a little morbid but I think it’s important think about it and get it out there. Especially if something happens to you. It’s important to talk about what you want done with your body if you die. How you want to be buried and cremated. Or whether or not you want to be left on life-support indefinitely. If you want your organs to be donated. For me, I want my organs donated, I want to be cremated and spread across the Carrizo Plain. Do not keep me on some machine. Let me go. But anyway, here’s the list so far.
Sleepwalk---Santo and Johnny.
What a Wonderful World---Louis Armstrong
Imagine---John Lennon
Man of the Hour---Pearl Jam.
Keep Me in Your Heart---Warren Zevon
Pancho and Lefty---Townes Van Zandt.
remember the mountain bed---wilco (as written by my beloved woody guthrie)
(Maybe as a joke Pop that pussy by 2 live crew and With Arms wide open by Creed)
Well.
D
Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
oh E, you do it again
The Longing, The Eels
The longing is a pain
A heavy pressure on my chest
It rarely leaves
My day becomes a quest
to try not to think about her
And all that she brings
Forget about her magic
All the beautiful things
surely there are other things to life
but i cant think of one single thing
that matters more
than just to see her
her smile
her touch
her smell
her laugh
the longing is a friend
a way to stay close
and feel like she's here
and feel like she knows
that when i say i would die for her
it's not just words
i really would
and to make the world a safer place for her
well i believe i really could
surely there are other things to life
but i cant think of one single thing
that matters more
than just to see her
her tears
her sorrow
her faults
her doubt
.....
i love them all.
The longing is a pain
A heavy pressure on my chest
It rarely leaves
My day becomes a quest
to try not to think about her
And all that she brings
Forget about her magic
All the beautiful things
surely there are other things to life
but i cant think of one single thing
that matters more
than just to see her
her smile
her touch
her smell
her laugh
the longing is a friend
a way to stay close
and feel like she's here
and feel like she knows
that when i say i would die for her
it's not just words
i really would
and to make the world a safer place for her
well i believe i really could
surely there are other things to life
but i cant think of one single thing
that matters more
than just to see her
her tears
her sorrow
her faults
her doubt
.....
i love them all.
I am having a relapse
Damn, it feels so good to back. I feel like having a relapse.
It is the end of a wondrously good Tuesday night. I sit here a happy man. So many great things have transpired in the past month and now I can share them with you all without restraint or without wondering who’s going to misconstrue what or who’s going to make a situation out of a non-situation. But for now, we can take the time and stretch our legs and get reacquainted with one another like we haven’t met before.
My nights recently and days for that matter, have been spent in extreme desire and passion. From parking lot to empty desert to crowded movie theater; it abounds all. My nights have been spent staying up late on Monday nights and going to the record store for the midnight sale of the new releases that come out on Tuesday. So far over the past few weeks I got the new Jason Lytle record. Last night was the new Rancid, the new Dave Matthews Band, the new Manson (came out last week), and the new eels record.
There is something so satisfying about this, I must say. Many things, actually. The first thing is; to me, waiting for something you’ve been waiting for, for so long to come out that you go out and seek it out and hunt it down and hold it in your hands is amazing. The other thing is standing there in the record store with the other music dorks waiting around for them to announce it’s time to get your record buying on. And I use the term dork not lightly. These are music geeks. The other great thing too is standing around with her and seeing her smile and wait like the rest of us for her new cd (The DMB disc. Those of you who know me, know I think he’s brilliant, just not into his music.) There’s something about her getting as excited as me about a new record that’s just amazing and warms my heart to no end.
I should also say that over the course of the past month I’ve also purchased the new Iron & Wine b-sides record (almost a waste of money since I already had nearly all of the tracks), the new Bob Dylan (the best thing about it is the title, Together Through Life.) the new Eminem out of morbid curiosity (not bad) and a bunch of singles from Townes Van Zandt. (very good.) oh and the new Manchester Orchestra which is pretty good not great.
I’d say of the few records that I’ve given a lot of time and attention to so far, the Jason Lytle record is absolutely amazing though it is also very very lonely. It reminds me of myself in a way, which is why I’ve always loved him. The entire record is about being alone and it’s funny, because when I go back to read my old blogs, they are all about that as well. Oddly, the new Eminem as well has provided endless entertainment. The guy has basically lost his mind and then got it back again and wrote a crazy insane genius record. Also from the very little I’ve heard, the new eels and the new Manson record are really really good too.
That’s another great thing about music, I just realized. Turning someone you love onto your music and they onto theirs. It’s a great connection to be had if you haven’t had it yet.
So there’s been that going on, as well as going to movies a few times. So far in the past month or so, we’ve seen The Soloist. (Wasn’t great.) Tyson, the documentary about Mike Tyson which was surprisingly compelling and somewhat informative, if not too short. Also a Mexican made movie called Sin Nombre that was very good but falls into the overly used cliché at the end. I think I may be forgetting one, maybe not, but we went to the midnight premiere last week of Drag me to hell which was a lot of fun but not really what I was expecting.
I played a show at the beginning of last month that turned out to be one of the best nights I’d ever had in my life. I can’t go into too many specifics, but I played a show, drank some beer with my love, and later ate a BLT after a wonderful parking lot make out session. Well, I guess that was a bit specific.
I’m sorry to report, friends: that old me you were used to is somehow now almost gone and forgotten entirely. If that’s at the expense of being bored, then so what. I sure as hell lived my life the other way for years and now that I’ve gained some happiness in my life, I’m not looking back. I can’t afford to.
I kinda feel like we should ease into this new format. Like we’re dating. I’ve got so many stories and so many things to say that this blog will be up and running yet and for a long long time. So settle in. take care. And you know I’ll always be back.
At the end of this month I hit a landmark. At the end of this month I turn 30 years of age. To be honest, I never really truly believed I’d make it this long. Even if you asked me 6 months ago, I’d say it was sketchy at best. Now. Well now, friends. You might not like me now. These really are the last days of the suicide kid. At least for now.
It is the end of a wondrously good Tuesday night. I sit here a happy man. So many great things have transpired in the past month and now I can share them with you all without restraint or without wondering who’s going to misconstrue what or who’s going to make a situation out of a non-situation. But for now, we can take the time and stretch our legs and get reacquainted with one another like we haven’t met before.
My nights recently and days for that matter, have been spent in extreme desire and passion. From parking lot to empty desert to crowded movie theater; it abounds all. My nights have been spent staying up late on Monday nights and going to the record store for the midnight sale of the new releases that come out on Tuesday. So far over the past few weeks I got the new Jason Lytle record. Last night was the new Rancid, the new Dave Matthews Band, the new Manson (came out last week), and the new eels record.
There is something so satisfying about this, I must say. Many things, actually. The first thing is; to me, waiting for something you’ve been waiting for, for so long to come out that you go out and seek it out and hunt it down and hold it in your hands is amazing. The other thing is standing there in the record store with the other music dorks waiting around for them to announce it’s time to get your record buying on. And I use the term dork not lightly. These are music geeks. The other great thing too is standing around with her and seeing her smile and wait like the rest of us for her new cd (The DMB disc. Those of you who know me, know I think he’s brilliant, just not into his music.) There’s something about her getting as excited as me about a new record that’s just amazing and warms my heart to no end.
I should also say that over the course of the past month I’ve also purchased the new Iron & Wine b-sides record (almost a waste of money since I already had nearly all of the tracks), the new Bob Dylan (the best thing about it is the title, Together Through Life.) the new Eminem out of morbid curiosity (not bad) and a bunch of singles from Townes Van Zandt. (very good.) oh and the new Manchester Orchestra which is pretty good not great.
I’d say of the few records that I’ve given a lot of time and attention to so far, the Jason Lytle record is absolutely amazing though it is also very very lonely. It reminds me of myself in a way, which is why I’ve always loved him. The entire record is about being alone and it’s funny, because when I go back to read my old blogs, they are all about that as well. Oddly, the new Eminem as well has provided endless entertainment. The guy has basically lost his mind and then got it back again and wrote a crazy insane genius record. Also from the very little I’ve heard, the new eels and the new Manson record are really really good too.
That’s another great thing about music, I just realized. Turning someone you love onto your music and they onto theirs. It’s a great connection to be had if you haven’t had it yet.
So there’s been that going on, as well as going to movies a few times. So far in the past month or so, we’ve seen The Soloist. (Wasn’t great.) Tyson, the documentary about Mike Tyson which was surprisingly compelling and somewhat informative, if not too short. Also a Mexican made movie called Sin Nombre that was very good but falls into the overly used cliché at the end. I think I may be forgetting one, maybe not, but we went to the midnight premiere last week of Drag me to hell which was a lot of fun but not really what I was expecting.
I played a show at the beginning of last month that turned out to be one of the best nights I’d ever had in my life. I can’t go into too many specifics, but I played a show, drank some beer with my love, and later ate a BLT after a wonderful parking lot make out session. Well, I guess that was a bit specific.
I’m sorry to report, friends: that old me you were used to is somehow now almost gone and forgotten entirely. If that’s at the expense of being bored, then so what. I sure as hell lived my life the other way for years and now that I’ve gained some happiness in my life, I’m not looking back. I can’t afford to.
I kinda feel like we should ease into this new format. Like we’re dating. I’ve got so many stories and so many things to say that this blog will be up and running yet and for a long long time. So settle in. take care. And you know I’ll always be back.
At the end of this month I hit a landmark. At the end of this month I turn 30 years of age. To be honest, I never really truly believed I’d make it this long. Even if you asked me 6 months ago, I’d say it was sketchy at best. Now. Well now, friends. You might not like me now. These really are the last days of the suicide kid. At least for now.
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